What my rushed wedding speech taught me about business
On the day I got married, I was trying to be calm.
I’m not sure if I succeeded.
I woke up early. I did a 1-hr meditation, longer than I usually do. I checked all my messages. Made sure all the invites sent were received. It was at the end of 2020. So it was one of them covid joints.
We had to limit the number of guests in Lagos – a herculean task, if you’ve ever seen how big Nigerian weddings can get.
But that morning everything was coordinated. Family and friends were ready. I decided to go downstairs in the hotel we stayed at, close to the venue. I quietly ate breakfast. My brother (my best man) joined me. We looked over the agenda for the day. Everything was running smooth.
Then in between chomping down on my omelette, I saw something on the agenda and asked: “Wedding vows? Where’s the script for that?”
He looked at me, and said: “I think you have to write your own vows.”
“What?” My brain started racing, remembering all the romance movies with the tear-dropping vow.
I texted my Fiancée, “we have to write our vows, right?” Half-asking.
She responded: “Yeah.”
That’s when I had my “oh shit” moment.
I had a few hours to write the speech of my life and I just realized I had to write it.
What happened in the next few hours taught me a big lesson about overcoming resistance and getting stuff done.
Over-preparation is a disguise
People blow problems up. They get so big, we find it hard to overcome.
This shows up at big events and small occasions. Work and life. The little task that can easily be done that gets pushed to the side for later, until it piles up into a mountain.
It’s the reason a lot of us don’t do things that make us feel alive.
We feel huge resistance to the things we truly want to do. The more we push it out, the worse it gets. It’s a challenge a lot of founders and business owners have: over-preparation.
The productivity gurus tell you to prepare, like it’s an endless wheel that keeps going until it’s time for action.
The problem is that most people end up preparing so much that they forget to get the thing done. Like the old Kanye said on his Graduation album: “They talk so much about me at barber shops, they forget to get their haircut.”
Here’s what over-preparation without action looks like:
The well-crafted strategy for your soon-to-launch business that’s been marinating in a google doc for the last 2 years.
The book that you’ve been writing in their head for the last decade.
The personal brand you’d eventually build when they have perfected their lives.
Preparation is great but don’t over-prepare.
Because perfection is just another disguise for resistance that pulls you away from any venture you want to partake in.
For those vows I wrote, I didn’t over-prepare.
I didn’t have a freaking choice.
There was no opportunity to procrastinate. The situation was just there, in the moment while I was caught up with all the other forms of coordination.
In the midst of all the activities that morning, getting dressed, shaving, paying vendors, the photographers that came up to camp out in our room (for some strange reason), groomsmen arriving and getting ready, in the back of my mind: “I was like I have to write this speech.”
I announced to the room, “Guys I’m going to write my vows.”
Someone yelled back “Wooh….you haven’t written your vows. Should we leave the room?”
“Nah”
I sat in the corner of the room and wrote. I opened up my phone and I had already written a few lines to structure it out while I was at breakfast.
I wrote it in a sprint.
Dropped the phone.
I took some pictures.
Picked the phone back up.
I looked through and edited it.
A few hours later, I delivered my vows in front of a “small crowd” of about a hundred people (plus another hundred on zoom). People laughed. I throw in some rhymes. It was all good.
Afterwards, one of my groomsmen said, “You wrote that this morning?”
On that day, it seemed like I could whip up a speech in seconds.
But here’s what really happened.
That last-minute-speech-writing performance was built on almost six years of writing on my phone.
Writing blogs, case studies, book chapters. I had become used to writing weekly. So when there was a time crunch, instead of panicking, I knew I had a few tools to use to get me over the hump.
But years of preparation had also helped me understand the importance of putting out “imperfect work.”
The blog post that could use a few more edits but just had to ship on Tuesday.
The book chapter that could use more research but was due by the end of the month.
The sales script that could be refined but had to be used in the next call in a few minutes.
Preparation is great.
In fact, I never knew my business writing would come in handy at my wedding.
The hours of forcing myself to keep my “ass in seat” for 15 minutes to get over the blank page. Hours collaborating with writers and editors to clarify my thinking. Days of note-taking in my note app. Let’s not forget the years of freestyle raps in stacks of black moleskins filed in my closet.
However, the biggest gift years of preparation gave me is being fine with: “OK, that’s good enough.”
Because perfect preparation is a myth that stops you from taking action that fuels actual momentum in life and business.
Stop preparing endlessly, start getting feedback early.
Here’s the choice: perfect preparation or good enough progress.
I prefer the latter.
Feedback is the antidote to over-preparation. It forces you out of your head and into real-world validation before you’re “ready.”
Here’s what I’m noticing in the practice ground: ship when you’re at 70% completion.
For instance, when I’m doing outreach for my business. I take some time to find the target audience, figure out what I’m writing in my emails or DMs, maybe include some case studies, maybe keep the message short, perhaps include my linkedIn profile in my signature. Then at some point, I realize I might need another expert to improve what I’m doing substantially – that’s when I know I’m at 70%.
I edit the message like I’m sending it directly to one person.
I read it one more time, then send it. Then I choose 5% of the people I want to send it to and send that same message. Once I get a response or none, then I get the feedback to refine and send it out to the entire target audience, improving with each step.
Practice getting feedback at 70% completion.
Ask yourself, “What am I building and how can I get feedback on today?”
Test a presentation with a colleague before your big meeting.
Practice a tough conversation with a friend before getting into it.
Get customer feedback on your MVP before adding more features.
Share the messy business plan with a past colleague in your industry.
Let a relative read a draft book chapter before discarding it or writing the next one.
The real skill to cultivate here is to know when you’ve hit the 70% (good enough) mark, ready to get real-world feedback.
Because a 70% project in the world is better than a 100% project that’s stuck in your mind.
Final thoughts
Part of the skill with preparation is to become aware of when something is good enough to share and get feedback. You will never know this gauge until you start prioritizing feedback. This skill comes in hany even when you don’t realize you need it, like when you have to speed through a speech for an important event.
Keep practicing,
Nifemi
P.S. If you found this useful, forward it to a perfectionist you know. They’ll either thank you or hate you – either way, you’re helping them grow.
