I write these letters to gain more perspective, improve my communication skills, and help others do the same.
This takes me to a story that happened in my career…
I thought I’d played my cards right at work.
I had taken my career into my own hands, showed what I had achieved, and proved my case for the next role.
Then I got on a call with my now former boss. Let’s call her Jane.
Jane was quite good – not at inspiring me, but at being a manager – a good compliance practitioner, very adept at getting people to comply. So on this call, even though she had tried the different tricks of the trade to not support my advancement as I found my way around it, she pulled out her last trick – discouragement.
On the call, she said things like “As a friend. I’m looking out for you. Yada yada yada.” She put her hand to her chest as she said it. She created room for vulnerability.
Ohh, I feel for the trap.
Once I got off the call, I immediately had a funny feeling in my stomach that something wasn’t right.
The compliance practitioner was practitioning.
Don’t play yourself:
You just know when you’ve been played.
without doubt, there’s an added layer of torture you feel because you know you could have been sharper on your feet.
“I should have said this…done that”
The reality is that life is a continuous dynamic of things moving in relation to others. A lot of that movement is relationships with others – your friends, family, partners, colleagues – which are moved through conversations.
So, if you are not aware of the dynamics, you might miss the message.
In most cases, the dynamics, itself, is the message.
You can pull different levers to get buy-in. Bad actors can do the same. You have to be aware of both.
From Authority to Commitment: 3 Levers of Influence:
In my last letter, I talked about these four levers of persuasion.
There are four more.
When you learn these levers, you’ll be able to approach life, conversations, sales, marketing, negotiations with a clearer bird’s-eye view of what’s happening.
It will make you feel more comfortable to ask clarifying questions, make better decisions, and live a more enjoyable life.
Here are three of those levers:
1. Authority
Growing up in Nigeria, under a military regime, you learn very early about authority.
Authority orders.
Authority slapping.
Authority stealing.
Authority everything.
We defer to people we think are in authority. We tend to follow highly informed, wiser, or more powerful people. Authority provides an automatic mental shortcut to make decisions and it has its symbols – from titles, to clothings, to trappings (e.g cars people drive).
There are however two types of authority. Someone can be “in authority” or “an authority.”
The first, is when someone is merely in charge like my chest-touching boss. The second type of authority is when we view someone as highly-informed about the matter at hand – a business, new technology, neighborhood situations, family dynamics.
You need two things to be “an authority” – expertise and trust.
In order to build valuable authority, you have to provide your expertise in ways that show trustworthiness. One way to build trustworthiness is through vulnerability, showing that you don’t know it all. Run away from that person that knows everything about everything.
When you make decisions based on someone seeming like an authority, ask two simple questions: “is this authority truly an expert in the field they are showing authority in?” and “how truthful can I expect this expert to be?”
That will help you cut through.
You can build authority in an ethical way.
Gain expertise and share it in a trustworthy fashion.
2. Scarcity
If you grew up in Nigeria, you will know all about scarcity.
Petrol scarcity.
Water scarcity.
Electricity scarcity.
You will comply by force.
Humans like things that are less available.
This lever of persuasion engages the psychology of loss aversion, meaning that people are more motivated by the thought of losing something than gaining. You are more motivated to not lose $50 than you are at gaining $50.
The scarcity lever holds for two reasons:
- Things difficult to attain seem more valuable.
- We strive even harder for things that become less accessible. We tend to fight more for things that we once had and then taken away.
That’s why compliance practitioners will dangle a taste of the good life in front of you, then snatch it away, so you’re scratching at their doors with the paws of a poor puppy, begging. Scarcity also pertains to information. The act of limiting information makes people want more access to it.
Scarcity is hard to fight against because it has an emotional aspect that blurs rational thinking.
So when faced with it, pay attention to the rush of emotions, recognize it, let it pass, and then weigh the options. Use your awareness of scarcity to make better decisions and also move others to decide.
For instance, if you’re a consultant that only wants to work with 3 people, let your prospect know that your time is scarce and limited to 3 clients. If a hiring manager is dragging his feet to hire you, let him know that you’ll be making a decision in the next month.
Use ethical scarcity to drive your goals.
3. Commitment
Your need to be consistent can be used against you.
We make commitments because we don’t want to be inconsistent.
Why?
We perceive an inconsistent person as unreliable and dishonest. No one wants to be remembered that way. That’s why you stick to your initial position, stance, or action, and build legs around it to remain consistent.
Once you have a “foot in the door,” it’s more difficult to get out.
Car salesmen use this all the time. It’s called “low-balling.”
Here’s how it works:
They get you interested in a car by offering a discount. Once you’ve driven the car around, filled out paperwork, and said you “love the car,” out of the blue they say: “oh I forget to include the cost of the leather seat interior. That’s an extra feature.”
Pooof. Initial discount gone.
Now, the car’s price is back to the same as the competitor’s next door, however, you already said you love the car. You’re committed. They got you, playah!
Even after commitments like this, you can always walk away.
But the reality is, without commitment, if you waver on everything you say, you might not do anything significant, presenting a dilemma: when do you stick with commitment?
The answer is: whenever it leads to a better decision.
There is a sign that you are a victim of your commitment. You’ll literally feel it in your stomach (gut). The same way I felt with my former boss. So whenever you feel cornered, just call it out: “Ahh, I see, you got me to be vulnerable about whether I’ll like the role or not, so it seems like I’m no longer interested. However, I still am.”
You can also get people to commit to positive action.
Final Thoughts:
Authority, scarcity, and commitment are all levers of automatic compliance.
In a fast-paced world, it’s important to take a step back to understand what levers are being used to make you comply, and at the same time, learn these levers so you can use them ethically so it’s beneficial for all parties involved.
There is one more lever of persuasion.
I’ll save that for the next letter.
Yours truly,
Nifemi
