I didn’t see 4 of the responses coming…
I recorded a video then sat on it for a week.
When I finally built the nerve to send it out to my entire contact list, it taught me more about myself than the people I wanted to educate.
So here’s what happened.
I started a new business last year. Before that I had watched a video from GaryVee about building buzz for your business. This one in particular.
You don’t have to watch it, here’s the gist of what he said. “Record a short video about the new business you’re starting, and send it to everyone in your contact list. If you do, by the end of the day, you’ll have a business.”
I’d filed this under “things influencers like GaryVee say.” So for months, I told myself I’d record something and never did. When I quit the last job I was working at, I really had to get things off the ground and convert the side hustle to a real thing. That’s when I finally braved it and acted on the advice.
I recorded my video. It had some errors, so I recorded it again. And again.
When it was time to send it, every excuse was the same – bad timing, not polished enough, they’ll think I’m asking for something.
Then I forced myself to sit down on a Friday evening. I sent a slightly polished video to all my contacts by whatsapp or text. All 1,192 of them.
If you were in my contact list, you probably got a video from me around this time last year.
What happened after made me rethink the limitations I had put on myself.
The fear of social exclusion kills dreams.
Most of us are terrified of the social repercussions that come with putting yourself out there.
The fear isn’t really about what people will say.
It’s about losing your place in the perceived social order. And that fear is almost always overblown. And the proof is in what replaces that fear when you push through – support you didn’t know was waiting.
Back to that video text experiment.
Later in the month, after sending that video I did get a business deal from the outreach. Because of the video, I was top of mind when a friend needed to build a sales engine and work on messaging for their website. But more important was what happened the day I sent the message.
I got something more than business. I got support I didn’t expect.
“Go Nifemi.”
“How can I help.”
“Legendary. Good for you for taking the direct and vulnerable approach – class act”
One person even prayed for me and my business. I said “Ami.”
Those little words of encouragement were huge to me. They meant so much that the entire exercise felt worth it, even before getting a business deal. Days of dread evaporated within a few minutes. I didn’t realize that someone acknowledging how much fear I had to overcome to do this would actually make me feel more confident.
Most of us want this type of support but the question is: are you ready to be vulnerable enough to ask for it?
Taking this approach made me realize I’d get more social support than I expected and I also inspired some people to overcome their own fears, and reach out too.
I initially made different excuses not to start without acknowledging my own deep-seated fear. The fear of the outcome not panning out in the future is one thing. A deeper fear is social isolation. I told myself internal stories.
“People would laugh at me.”
“People would call me desperate.”
“Peopel would start asking about my financial situation.”
I’m sure this internal talk might sound familiar.
To stay in comfortable social circles, we put up a mask, showing no signs of weakness, acting like we have it all figured out. It’s easy to take this calm, plain, boring approach. For sure, no one would ever laugh at you. But this also comes with another guarantee – no one will be able to help you. Because no one will know what you need help with.
Until you acknowledge the fear of social exclusion, it will keep you in your head. You’ll struggle to find collaborators, mentors, and clients.
If I didn’t create that video and push send to all my contacts, I’d still be guessing. Still consuming. Still waiting for the right moment. Now I know it worked. Perhaps some people laughed behind my back. That’s the beauty of it all – it was behind my back. I would never hear about them.
I only heard about the ones that wanted to support.
And focusing on that is what drives momentum.
Batch one “out of pocket” thing, and focus on the “little” you get back.
What I’ve learned to do is focus on the social positive.
It’s the signal in the noise.
I’m about to build my beta reader community for my new book, and I’ve been struggling to ask people. So I created a list of about 20 people in my network and I’m going to text them before the end of the week.
Some will respond. Some wouldn’t. I’ve learned to not take it personally. In general, I believe people want to help but they are just busy living their life too – family, work, business.
So when I do get one response – it’s a valuable data point. I remind myself to pour more energy into the people that show up. To overcome the feeling of social exclusion, I tend to batch my actions, so I don’t get deterred by a few “not-so-positive” responses.
That’s why I send out a group of DMs at once, share a video to all contacts in one sitting, and batch my email outreach to a group of people in segments – enough to get some feedback/data.
If you’re sitting on a request, it might be worth running the same experiment. Pick 10 – 20 people and see what comes back.
Closing reflection:
A year has passed since I sent that video.
I now have evidence that shows how vulnerability generates actual support even if it isn’t the immediate outcome I aimed for. It’s easier to mask the fear of doing something on some long-term uncertainty of not knowing how it all pans out. When the bigger fear is the immediate social repercussions. The sooner you acknowledge it, the more liberated you will feel.
So a year later, here’s what I keep thinking about: The people who want to support you are already in your contact list. The only question is – will you let them?
Yours truly,
Nifemi
P.S. Did you receive that video from me? If so, reply and say “yeah yeah.”
