I’ve been writing for years now. I started writing a business blog at the back of class in business school about a decade ago.
That’s when I started learning the importance of content creation in the written word.
Years before that, I’d make music at night and work on neural networks for chemical plants during the day.
Although I had my hands in a few things, one major content creation project was my first book, Press Play.
I’d sit down and write for a few minutes then I’d stop. Stand up, walk around the room a bit, then sit down and write.
There would be a voice in my head that would always remind me:
“You’re no writer, stick to engineering and maybe business”
“Nobody is going to read this”
“Who do you think you are? talking about music? Everybody loves music. Why should they listen to you?”
Quiet.
I’d yell to myself. My inside voice had taken over. Judging me. Stopping me from writing.
With practice I’ve learned to quiet this voice.
But then, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a parasite.
Unfavorable Agreements
Global unhappiness is on the rise.
Individual unhappiness happens when your expectations fall short of your reality. But where did these expectations come from? Your culture, beliefs, and hidden agreements that you’ve signed unknowingly as you moved through life.
What if I told you that:
95% of these beliefs and agreements are lies.
These agreements have domesticated you. They have made you defer to it, bounded in invisible chains. Within yourself a mental parasite has grown, splitting your mind into two – the judge and the victim.
The judge is the one that says you are not good enough.
The victim is the one that accepts this statement and goes through life in a veil of victimhood.
This parasite was not always there. It grew from the time you spent with your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues.
People said things that were merely opinions and you agreed.
As you grew up, you buried your inner child and poured a concrete tombstone over it called “responsibilities.”
So eager to be accepted and validated by the world, you continued to accept all these agreements.
“You are not supposed to do that”
“Business is so hard”
“Nobody wants to hear you sing”
These invisible agreements have domesticated your dream. It has stripped away happiness.
You have to be aware of them, break them, and create new agreements.
You are the results of all the things you agree to.
The Four Agreements To Free Yourself:
I had a deadline to finish my book and that’s what got me over the finish line.
There was no time to have pleasant chats with my inner critic. But the process allowed me to face myself.
To overcome the judge and the victim, you have to first be aware of the judge and the victim within yourself. This awareness comes from understanding the agreements you’ve signed up for your entire life. Reading (or listening to) the book, THE FOUR AGREEMENTS, recently gave me a framework of new agreements to live a more meaningful life.
When you resign these agreements, you’ll overcome your inner critic, stop feeling like a victim, nurture your true self, and live a more meaningful life.
Here are the 4 agreements.
1. Be impeccable with your word
Your words carry energy.
Most times we say things we don’t mean. Then we do it over and over again. Until we ignore the impact of our words. But your word is the most important thing you have and how you use it determines the life you leave.
One of the worst things you can do is reject yourself.
A lot of times, we use our words to talk down about ourselves internally. After all, everyone does, right? We call it gossip.
Use your words to speak for clarity and what’s real.
When you do the opposite, your mind becomes compost for negativity. But when you are impeccable with your world, your mind is a fertile ground for positivity and creativity.
Pay attention to how you talk about others and yourself.
2. Don’t take it personal
She said this.
He said that.
They say what.
All is “say say.” Don’t stress it.
Most of it is just opinions, not rooted in objective reality. Unfortunately, over the years we have learned to take it personally.
We internalize blame.
We feel responsible for when things go wrong.
But have you ever thought that it’s not really always about you.
When people say things about you, most times it’s more of just a reflection of them and a projection.
See it for what it is and don’t take it personal.
One of my favorite books to read is Marcus Aurelius Meditations. I’m paraphrasing here but he said something about: don’t seek their praise nor their criticism.
So even when they praise you, don’t take it personal.
The more you do this, the more you fortify your mind to the chatter. The more you rediscover and stay rooted to your real self within.
Whatever they say, don’t take it personal.
3. Make no assumptions
Assumption is the mother of all f**k ups.
I remember hearing that as a kid not realizing it had everything to do with living a more meaningful life.
A lot of drama in life starts with assumptions.
Family feuds, work beef, national wars, it’s all rooted in assuming the intentions of the other side.
You can avoid all this drama by asking questions.
When you ask questions, you get clear on intentions and clarify the lines of communications. You build on reality not on prescribed beliefs.
You do not have the right to a response.
But you have the right to ask a question.
Make no assumptions.
4. Do your best
Your life is creativity in action.
Don’t let your ideas, goals, and dreams dwindle away. Go out and interact with the world and bring them to reality.
Every time you show up, just do your best.
Your best is going to differ based on your mood, energy, levels of motivation, time of the day. But in every opportunity, you have the ability to do your best.
Doing your best does not mean you overdo and wear yourself out. Because if you tire, then you diminish your chances to continue to do your best.
Doing your best is learning from your mistakes and pacing yourself to continue with your best.
You will not always be impeccable with your word, but do your best.
You will not always “not take” things personal, but do your best.
You will not always be curious, but do your best.
The more you do your best, the better you get at rewriting your agreements.
Become a warrior…
You have to battle the parasite.
The one that has domesticated your essence into a judge and victim.
You have to show up everyday to battle, not the world, but the unconscious mental agreements that you signed up for without knowing.
Shed them off to reconnect to your real self.
Do this by being impeccable with your word, not taking things personal, not making assumptions, and by doing your best.
Doing your best is up to you.
Make it happen.
Yours truly,
Nifemi
P.S. I have a new book coming out next month. Keep an eye out for it 😉
