It took 3.5 years of obsession to figure out the “awww” in the middle ties it altogether but is also the hardest to share
I sat down to write this and the voice in my head said “are you sure you have something to write this week?”
A few seconds later it said; “Stop forcing it.”
I paused, staring at the cup of tea in front of me, a little too long. I pulled myself together and wrote a few sentences.
I have heard a version of this voice for over 3.5 years of writing this newsletter.
The self-doubt that pushes me to do everything but write.
Over years of writing my newsletter and consistently posting on LinkedIn, I thought the voice would disappear. It hasn’t. Working through it has helped me build things along the way that reduce the dread. A system. An editing tool. A report on what’s working.
It’s the report that I used for myself a month ago that surprised me.
It was clear that I was too in love with the voice in my head.
The data was telling me something I didn’t want to hear.
When I could gain a lot more by falling in love with the sounds and narrative within the heads of the people I wanted to reach.
It’s hard not to think about yourself. You have to force the practice
Most people are obsessed with themselves.
I’ve noticed that when I’m obsessed with myself, happiness doesn’t last. When I’m obsessed with a problem, everything gets easier.
A lot of people that have met me in this writing season of my life, think I must have just loved reading writing from growing up.
No I didn’t. In fact, I hated reading books.
My writing habit started purely from an entrepreneurial act. I wrote content to build credibility, through search engine optimization (SEO), for my first business. One of the important things to improve how easily you get discovered online is getting a credible source to link back to your site. It’s called “back linking.” It’s sort of like a “vote of confidence” that improves your rankings.
I reached out to other publications. I got a few. Then I learned that getting a back link from an educational institution supercharges credibility. I had three degrees. I reached out to the school I had just graduated from – Stanford. Even though they were publishing posts about some of my peers. They gave me the run around.
I was in Nigeria. Building a supply chain business in Africa. My business was not sexy enough for them.
They ghosted me.
I realized that from that point on, I had to build my own credibility online.
Since then I’ve been obsessed with solving the problem of shaping your own narrative in a world that just doesn’t pull you in.
That obsession with the problem is a lot more rewarding than just being obsessed with myself.
I’m always figuring out the different angles to shape a narrative, get in front of the right people, and help others do the same.
I heard this once and it didn’t make sense to me until I tested it myself. It was a statement from Gary Vaynerchuk: “to selfishly get what you want, you have to be selfless.”
That is the game online. Most people think it’s about clout-chasing. I can show you the stats. That doesn’t move the needle much on your business. The thing that lingers for people is not the post that goes far. It’s usually the one that helped your audience do something or make change in their lives.
I started getting feedback when I applied the obsession away from myself.
“I started writing when you shared your newsletter journey.”
“I felt encouraged when you said just start….it was a good reminder.”
These are things I’ve heard, in real-life conversations, when I’m away from the screens where I’m visible. It’s all about being helpful.
If I were only obsessed with myself and what I was doing, I would care more about the online engagement than providing help that lingers.
I know what it felt like when I was only obsessed with myself. I cared more about whether the post performed than whether it helped anyone. I stayed stuck, finding it difficult to start. The people I could have helped never felt it.
If I didn’t become obsessed with solving my own problem, I’ll still be waiting for Stanford or Forbes to come validate me.
When I hear that someone started writing because of something I said or wrote online, especially when I realize that person never engages with my content online, it blows my mind. That’s more rewarding than 20+ likes on a Tuesday.
But what do you do when you’re stuck obsessing over yourself and the sound of your own voice?
I’ve recognized a pattern that’s now forcing me to hear the sounds going on in other people’s minds to help them.
Three sounds (huhn, awww, hmmm) your audience needs to be making in their heads
The most helpful people don’t only help, they deliver the help in a way that it is accessible and useful.
This applies to helpful educational content too.
That’s where the “huhn, awwww, hmmm” framework comes in.
I only started using this recently, but I’ve been doing it without knowing for years.
You might have experienced this before. You do something helpful, write a post, send an email, or give a presentation. The insights are buried at the end, and you lose people before you get to the impact you want to deliver.
If your insights were never read, was it ever an insight?
When I write, there has to be something that stops the person and piques their curiosity. Afterwards, I give them the why, some stakes, and something to care about. It’s usually emotional or sharing a personal vulnerability. Then you can deliver your insights.
Your audience goes from curious to emotionally engaged to insight received.
In their mind, coming across your message sounds like “huhn” (curiosity sparked by a strong hook), “aawww” (empathy sparked by vulnerability), “hmmm“ (new insights gained from learning a new perspective).
I hoped to do it here with this letter.
The subject line sparks curiosity: “Huhn, what three sounds?”
The “awww” comes after the personal challenge of why I got on this journey and not feeling supported by some big names.
The “hmmm” is the actual insight of being more obsessed about the problem and how I apply mine in the “huh, aww, hmm” framework.
When next you want to get a message to someone – at a conference, a sales pitch, blog post, landing page, or presentation, try to simulate the sounds in your mind. It will break you away from just thinking about yourself.
Take 4 minutes to answer this for your audience, what will make them say: “huhn, that’s interesting,” “aww, that’s touching,” and “hmmm, that’s helpful.”
Map out your conversation that way.
Because when you start obsessing about the problem and the people you want to help, it gets you to your goal faster than obsessing over yourself.
Closing Reflection:
The voice of self-doubt in my head hasn’t disappeared.
I’m not sure it will.
But what I’ve learned is that I can balance it out by including the voices in the heads of the people facing the problems I care about solving. It’s easy to be obsessed with yourself and your thoughts. It’s a lot more difficult to get out of your comfort zone to help others.
So here’s the question I have for you: “what question can you ask yourself each day that would force you to think about the problem you’re solving and the people you’re solving for?”
Yours truly,
Nifemi
P.S. If this insight resonated with you and made you go “hmmm, that’s helpful” can you forward this newsletter to one friend today that might find it useful.
