I learned the hard way why it’s never about success
200+ likes one day. 3 the next.
I sat there, thinking “What the…? I can’t do this?”
That was me in 2020, a day after I published my first book and announced it on LinkedIn. When I announced the book launch, the post got 200+ likes. Very exciting. The next day, I shared a Medium article that I spent weeks working on. It got 3 likes. Such a let down.
At that moment it dawned on me that,”if I wanted to consistently get high numbers, I had to make all my posts about celebration and achievement.”
I took a different approach. It set me on a path that was different from the vanity metrics I had become attached to.
It took me 820 days of consistent, daily posting for me to learn something different about social media.
Over the last month, it surprises me every time I see it in my analysis. “Nifemi, your vulnerability posts do 32% better than any of your posts, especially when you talk about insights from personal failures.”
I initially thought external success was what my audience wanted. In reality, they wanted something more – relatability.
Something we all go through more often than success. Failure – and how to consistently bounce back.
This insight has made things a lot easier to share because just like everyone else, I have more losses than wins.
People spend too much time on the external stuff that doesn’t facilitate their growth
It’s not the algorithm, the economy, or the timing that’s holding you back. The thing that is holding you back is closer than you think.
It’s in you.
It’s not just your fear of failure. It’s your fear of being seen as a failure. But that failure in itself, is soil for building visibility for the things that matter to you.
My 820 days of posting has given me a lot of data to think about. Most of my posts that have been above average engagement include certain characteristics that I’ve been studying. They use a certain hook, have engaging images, have a 200+ word count, and are clear on messaging – with one topic.
But the most interesting finding is what happens in the second line of most of my posts. The vulnerability line. The line that shows the failure.
I initially thought LinkedIn was all about sharing successes. That’s what I was trained to see – the book launch, promotion, fund raise.
But who succeeds, everyday? Not me.
So I changed my reward system and made it about consistency, not breaking my daily streak on LinkedIn.
Over those 2.5 years of posting, I have more insights about my own psychology and that of others than I would have had if I stopped.
But to get there I had to investigate and overhaul my own resistance.
I had to reconfigure something internally – my mindset.
That mindset shift is more important than anything external and that’s why it is sometimes so hard to explain.
But that’s what’s got me from seeking consistent external validation of success and moving towards consistency and embracing daily failure. It’s a fancy way of saying “no longer giving too many f**ks about what they define as success.”
This is just not about building visibility online, I see this happening across building a business.
People spend time on all the external concrete stuff. Either things that would bring external validation like good customer feedback or activities that make you feel like you’re making your way down your task list – completing the business registration, the constant ideation, the marketing plan. Not a lot of time is spent on the internal voice in your head.
The one that sneaks in on you in your alone time – stoking flames of self-doubt, overthinking, and perfectionism.
The sneaky voice of resistance that talks you out of your own growth.
Without recognizing this voice built over the years, it’s hard to move forward. You will start based on inspiration, then stop when motivation recedes. You’ll constantly seek external validation from things you actually don’t care about. Even worse, you’ll focus on things someone else tells you to care about.
You will not be in charge of your own growth.
That’s why back then, I was more worried about the amount of work that it would take to consistently have posts that succeeded, instead of focusing on breaking down the psychological barrier of being visible even when things were not working.
Through the years, what I’ve learned is that the systems come after you confront the psychological block consistently.
The three mental experiments I tried
The people that get out there, don’t have systems alone, they develop the right internal foundation first then build systems that help them reinforce that foundation.
Create a System-Foundation Loop
I did this with the LinkedIn streak. I stopped asking, “Can I consistently have successful posts?” And started asking “Can I actually stop caring about what people think so that I can keep going even when my posts fail?” That’s a completely different question. It’s the kind of shift that applies to content, product iterations, and business.
Then I developed an internal foundation around that question. The external system supported the foundation.
Here’s what I tested internally. You can try them too.
Conviction: I realized I sought after external validation because I didn’t believe in what I was doing. When I stopped trying so hard to prove something to others and focused that energy on proving to myself that I can show up and keep going. Everything changed.
The most important person you have to convince in the room is you.
Start there.
Belief: You actually have to practice like it’s another day at the gym. When I didn’t think I had much to offer, I stayed silent asking “but I don’t have anything significant to say.” When I started reminding myself that I was valuable and I had to cut through the noise to find the people that wanted the value I had to offer, it became a practice of getting to those people in a more compelling way.
You have value. It’s your job to find the people who are seeking your help.
Personal Scorecard: I started my LinkedIn streak in Feb 2024. That’s over two years of writing consistently, every single day. Two plus years of learning not to get deterred when the external validation isn’t coming in. That streak might sound intimidating but remember every streak of consistency starts with one day, then one week.
Be consistent with a one-week streak.
Closing Reflection:
I would have still been guessing what to do on LinkedIn if I didn’t start over two years ago.
But every rep helped me not only understand the platform, what audiences engage with, and how to build tough leadership, it also helped me learn about myself and the different mental roadblocks I had to overcome to build something of my own.
The mindset shift comes before the system is built. Then the system build helps ensure and cement the mindset shift. It’s a loop that reinforces one another.
Now here’s the question I have for you today: “What question are you asking about your growth – and is it the right one?”
Yours truly,
Nifemi
P.S. In one word, what’s one internal block you’ve put a name to before you could build any real progress? Reply and tell me – I read every response.
