Hearing the word ‘No’ is better than nothing. You at least get a data point to work with.
I have been on a lot of sales calls.
I’m not sure if I’m that great at it but I’m better than most that don’t try. To get on those calls requires a lot of outreach. In my novice years, I remember when I started my first business, emailing a prospect. Telling him the value my service could offer. He initially said he was interested in an email. Getting him on a call was something else.
He had changed his mind. I followed up. No response. Then followed up again. I stuck to a principle in sales, it isn’t a no until you hear “No.”
I followed up so many times with him, he eventually responded. This time, he copied his IT guy and told him to block me from emailing him.
Wooooh!!!! How did we get here?
I apologized. Pleaded with IT not to block me.
We went our separate ways.
Now, that’s a drastic way to say “No.”
But most people don’t even want to start because they are so trained on only hearing “Yes.”
If you hear yes more than no, you are limiting your growth.
School lied:
A lot of unhappiness in the world is a result of the need for certainty of the thinking mind.
It’s the reason friends stop talking.
Family members stop wishing each other birthday wishes.
Country leaders send people to war.
It’s why most people don’t go for the things they want.
Because acting on what they actually want, can chip (damn near, crack) the certainty of the false identity they have built for themselves in their minds. Let’s lay the fragile ego on a fluffy pillow so it doesn’t crack.
The thing you want most is on the other side of your ego.
“All yes” is in your comfort zone.
“No” is outside your comfort zone. Outside is where learning and growth happens.
That no is just a “not yet.”
How to use no to fuel your yes:
Resistance.
I feel it all the time.
When it’s time to write.
Time to follow up with a client.
When it’s time to start a new project.
These are all things I want, but there is a tiny veil always trying to stop me from starting. It’s called resistance. It was always there but I didn’t realize it. Steven Pressfield’s book, The War of Art, helped me put a name to it.
Most people aren’t aware of it.
They think something is wrong with them.
Like they’re having a unique experience.
They think people that overcome resistance are special.
Sometimes they say things like “oh you’re so lucky” to those people.
When you realize that resistance is always there, you’ll learn that there’s nothing special about it and the people that seem to get over it. Then you’ll learn the main trick – how to dance with it.
You’ll stop waiting for permission to act on little bets. You will prioritize agency and reduce the time from idea to action needed to live a more creative and meaningful life.
Here are three things I’ve learned about using “No” to get where you want to go.
1. See the wall of NOs…prepare to scale it
Your next job is one LinkedIn post away….Remember .. just because you get 100 No’s, doesn’t mean that you won’t get one YES that can change the game ~ Gary Vaynerchuk
The No is part of the journey.
I didn’t close a deal with the guy that copied IT and told them to block me. I continued the same process and closed a deal not too long afterwards. That deal turned into one of my biggest clients from my first business. Imagine I had stopped because one person said ‘no.’
In fact, I heard a lot more ‘No’ than I did ‘yes.’
I heard it in different flavors: “NOOOOO” “Stop emailing me.” “How did you get my number?” “If you did better research, you’d realize we don’t have this problem.” “What you’re doing is not valuable.” “I don’t know why anyone would want it.” “There are a zillion companies offering what you do.”
If I had stopped, I would never have built a business that survived the pandemic. I wouldn’t have had the confidence to build my current business. I wouldn’t have a story to write in this newsletter right now.
The moral of the story is that there’s growth on the other side of the walls of NO. All you need is one yes to break through.
This applies if you’re looking for a job, building a business, working on your health, seeking clarity.
You have to keep going.
2. Go get your first NO
I caught up with a friend recently.
He once led a sales team at one of those big fancy tech companies. He’s now solo, enjoying building his own business. We were sharing the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. I shared a story about some guy that made me jump through several hoops to decide whether he wanted to have a meeting. After sending my resume, LinkedIn profile, that prospect eventually said “I’m not interested in meeting.”
COLD! I had to swallow the shards of cracked ego shells stuck in my throat and bow out gracefully.
As I shared this story with my friend, he replied. “That’s just part of it. We used to tell the new sales reps, go out there and get your first 10 Nos.”
That’s a powerful reframe.
Most of us are thinking about that one ‘yes’ yet it is buried in the pile of ‘no.’ Instead of thinking you’ll strike gold on the first attempt, understand you are going to dig through the sand first. So just start digging.
The moment you understand that ‘no,’ is part of the process, you’ll get over yourself.
You’ll apply for the job.
Ask for the promotion.
Push for the sale.
You’ll write your first shitty manuscript draft.
Pull up your adult pants, go get your first ‘No.’
3. Turn it into a game
My dad always told me. Be a great hitter. Don’t chase the fence. If you chase the fence, you’re going to lose ~ Barry Bonds, MLB’s all-time home-run leader.
Don’t swing to hit a home run.
Just swing to hit.
That’s advice from one of the greatest hitters ever.
I’ve been writing on LinkedIn each day for almost 2 years now. It’s now like a game for me.
It’s now like a living resume. The opportunities don’t come right away but they definitely wouldn’t come if you don’t try.
When I started, I was playing an amateur game. I wanted each post to be a hit. I wanted to get on the field and hit a home run each time. When I didn’t I would feel discouraged. I thought “oh Lord, maybe people don’t like me.” (The insecurities of an egomaniac)
But then it changed, the more I pushed through. I just wanted to show up and be consistent. Improvement became the key. I wanted to write well-formated posts with matching creatives like the digital writers that I enjoyed reading. I wanted to become a better copywriter.
Find your own game and start making hits.
No is part of the game
The name of the game is to be in the game.
A lot of things in life are just a game and I don’t say that to trivialize it. I’m saying it to remind you that you are the designer and owner of your own scoreboard.
As long as you’re playing your game, you’re winning.
No is just ‘not yet.’ Keep going.
Yours truly,
Nifemi
