How writing my 5th book reminded me that somethings just never change.
I’m drafting my 5th book.
Every time I have had a thought about making progress on the book in the last two weeks, I get overwhelmed. “Can I write about it?” “Is the topic already stale?” “Perhaps I’m rushing and there’s still more to research?”
With each thought, I’m doing less writing.
This has been the cycle I’ve been in for the last two months – filled with a lot of doubt. When I emailed my development editor about my plans for the book and didn’t get an immediate response, I took it as another sign to delay.
Eventually we synced up on the book a few weeks ago. I sent her the draft, and she gave me some next steps.
I had seen the entire process before.
In fact, I’ve been in this same position four times already.
The same level of doubt showed up then.
It reminded me that following through, all boils down to choice.
The doubt holding your back has been chosen for you.
Choosing doubt is the default setting.
With the struggles I’m facing to write my book, someone from the outside would say “but you’ve done this four times already, what’s the fear?” But I can’t fully explain it. There are a multitude of things happening. I’m thinking about all it will take. Wrestling with arrangement of ideas. Cutting stuff out that I want in there. Getting feedback from editors and beta readers. How much I would have to sacrifice on other parts of my life. Then going to market with it. Perhaps crowdfunding first. Anytime I sit with all those thoughts, I hit the “hmmm, let me just not do anything about it” button.
Weeks after weeks pass.
The immediate relief of choosing the comfortable action of doing nothing feels nice. However, that relief usually morphs into something else – a nagging that just didn’t go away.
Always there in the back of your mind.
What I’ve learned from those last four published books is to stop waiting for the doubt to go, because it never does. It’s the default setting.
How I chose to respond to it was fully up to me.
You have to do it regardless of that default setting.
Whether it’s a book chapter or a new business offer, the pattern is identical. Whenever I delay, I ask myself “What will be different next week?” The honest answer is always nothing.
Then I know I’m procrastinating. Letting my fear dominate. I’ve done this enough times I doubt if I’m alone with these feelings and thoughts.
A lot of us love certainty. A guaranteed outcome.
This is challenging in any project you commit to – a new business, book, or initiative. There are so many variables tied to one ultimate success – one that is far ahead in the future.
The more you anchor to that fixed point of success, the more rigid you become.
You spend more time seeking certainty by overthinking, procrastinating, and doubting yourself.
The uncertainty becomes worse the further you project into the future, multiplied with thoughts of insecurity of how people would respond to what you’re doing. The family that doesn’t understand your path, the friends who can’t describe your career, the clients who don’t respond.
The reality is that none of it is real.
When I catch myself doing this, I realize I’m living everywhere but here – now – the only place that is actually real.
My body is here. My mind is thousands of miles away – thinking about a future that might not happen, based on a past that’s already gone.
When you stop being present, everything gets away from you. You stop paying attention, skim on listening, miss crucial details. This causes a vicious cycle, where you don’t know what to focus on, and continue without taking any action.
Most times we think we’ll eventually take action when we have overcome doubt.
But the funny thing is that it works the other way around.
We take action to overcome doubt.
And it all comes down to choosing a tiny point of focus. So how do you actually do this in practice?
Become a one-step student
Here’s what I’m noticing on the practice ground: The best leaders choose to lead with doubt. They are process-oriented and students of the game.
Yeah, the outcome might not pan out the way you want it to.
But you can choose to focus on the next step, because every step is a learning opportunity.
When my development editor sent me a proposal on how to work together, I marked the email unread. I told myself, “I’ll get back to that later.” I could have responded in less than 30 seconds. I was everywhere else but the present, thinking about whether I could take this on.
Then I chose to focus on the next thing I needed to do.
I re-opened her email, sent a quick response.
We booked a time, ironed out a plan over a call, and we now have a clear timeline on what to do next.
The person that marked the email “unread” was focusing on the outcome, already too many steps ahead. The person that came back and sent a quick email response stuck to the process, focusing on the next steps.
Choose the next important step. That’s it.
Here’s how I’d go about it and something you can experiment with.
Identify the next uncomfortable step: reframe it as a “learning opportunity.” How you define the action is a key step. Instead of “I’m sending out 15 emails to strangers.” “I’m sending out 15 learning opportunities.”
Write your next learning opportunity in one line.
Make sure it starts with an action verb: “Send 10 DMs” “Build an outreach list.” “Write an outline” “Sketch out the workflow” “Respond to my editor.” Then end that line with a short timeline. “…10 minutes.”
Set a timer, don’t think about the outcome, and go.
It sounds robotic, but with a few reps, this becomes more ingrained. Doubt is such a strong layer at the base of how we all operate. Building the “next-step” muscle through repetition is crucial.
Closing Reflection:
This is what choosing presence over projection looks like in practice.
In the process of writing this letter over this week, I have agreed to get my editor three revised chapters by April 17.
That’s my clear next step.
The only way to overcome doubt is to release the attachment to the outcome. You can turn your doubt into fuel, by seeing every moment as a learning opportunity, and choosing to act in the present. What is the thing you can do today? Not tomorrow. Not in a week or how it will pan out in two years.
Just in the next 15 minutes.
That will give you an opportunity to learn about the next step.
Do it now.
Yours truly,
Nifemi.
P.S. I’m working with 15 founders in a small cohort, doubling our business conversations in the next 60 days. If you want to be a part, let’s talk.
