When I started writing my most recent book, I set up my campaign to write the prequel to my award-winning sci-fi novel.
I had thoughts of having a portfolio of books like Octavia Butler. I researched the latest marketing strategies by contemporary authors and entrepreneurs. I focused on what worked and didn’t work in the past. I thought about the future of publishing.
I was looking everywhere for direction and an answer.
But once I got done editing my book, it became clear to me. All I wanted was to publish my book with my own publishing company. Something I hadn’t done with my previous books.
That was the real drive: Raising money through a web3 project to publish a book with my own company.
I was really just trying to do what I hadn’t done before. In essence, I was competing with myself.
The Comparison Narrative
A lot of us compare all the time.
“What is he doing now?”
“What’s her position?”
“They sold their company for how much?”
It’s a continuous comparative narrative. One that is sure to leave you worse than when you started. This is normal, at the end of the day, we are only human. As social creatures, we understand ourselves in relation to the groups that were in.
Just when you thought you were leaving a certain realm and “leveling-up,” a few days pass and now you’re doing the comparison thing again.
In fact there are some of us that are not at ease until we have a reference point to compare to.
Add-on, social media and its comparison at scale.
You get to watch everyone else live their curated best life, get their curated best job, hangout with their curated best friends.
Your stomach growls. You think you’re not enough. You spiral into the sinking sand of unhappiness.
The reality is, you are fine just the way you are. As long as you don’t live your life in comparison to others.
I’m not talking about isolation. Too much of everything is good for nothing. It’s healthy to have peers that inspire you and keep you accountable.
But when it drips over to envy, constant comparison, jealousy, then it no longer serves you.
You’ll be utilizing your consciousness energy to figure out what everyone else is doing instead of using that energy to figure yourself out and get your work done.
The best way to do this is to be your one and only competitor.
It’s the healthy gauge for self-growth.
Forget what everyone else is doing, focus on being better than yesterday.
Stop comparing.
Compete with only your past self.
Your biggest competitor is you.
4 Steps to competing with the right person (you):
Everytime I write a new book, it’s a new challenge.
One I set for myself that most people don’t know about. The first book was a challenge to learn how to publish. The second book was to see if I could do it again with less guidance. The third, “can I write a book in two weeks?” The fourth was to finish a book on my phone and publish it under my own company.
These are all personal goals. An approach of me trying to be better than the last time. But better is only relative to my own intentions.
This means you can always strive to be better if your intentions are clear on what you’re trying to achieve for yourself
When you are your own competitor, you stop caring about what others are doing and become more content in your own skin, you focus your energy on your growth, and you feel a lot more freedom in your work.
Here are four things to think about to have you as your only competitor.
1. Have clear intentions
Staring without intention is like running a race without a beginning or end in sight.
You don’t have to map out the entire race track but it’s good to be clear on why you’re running in the first place.
One of the clearest intentions for growth is admitting this: “I want to improve.”
Whenever I write, that’s what’s guiding me.
“Can I improve my speed of ideas-to-paper?”
“Can I be more convincing with my thought process?”
“Can I tell a story that will move people?”
This can be applied to any activity in life and business.
Start with a learner’s mindset and choose what you want to grow at.
2. Develop guardrails
If intention is the starting and finish line.
Your attention are lines to keep you within your lane.
In the era of excess information, your attention is the most valuable commodity. Attention is what you do with your time.
Whenever I sit down to write, I actually have to produce work. Not more thinking, or opening up another web browser tab for research. I train my attention on transferring thoughts to words.
You have to find your way to train your attention. Meditation, exercising, and writing has really helped me focus.
The more you do it, the better you get at directing your attention.
3. Value compounding effects
Don’t mean to bore you with the race analogy.
But as the late great Nipsey Hussle said, The Marathon continues.
The same applies to life when you choose to be your only competitor.
You have to understand compounding effects of little steps to develop a mindset of improvement. Most of us want it quick, but in reality success requires patience and perseverance.
Strive for a tiny improvement everyday. Even on days you don’t want to get stuff done, the improvement is recognizing that your body needs rest.
Don’t run anyone’s race.
The most sustainable race is yours.
Pace yourself.
4. Know when to switch lanes
I remember when I was about to quit my job and head to Stanford for my MBA. The CEO of my division called me into his office and gave me a few offers to keep my onboard.
I was like “damn, so I have options? I couldn’t even chose some time off just last week.”
The moral of the story is, when you are valuable to your organization, there will be resistance set up for you not to leave. That’s the first trap. You have to push against it.
Now, on the other hand, if you think you’re too valuable and jump without enough skill capital. That’s the second trap. Don’t leave just yet. It’s not sustainable.
You have to understand the sweet spot between the two traps. You have to be aware of when to switch lanes.
Finding this delicate balance requires a lot of awareness, which can only be picked up along the way.
Be patient and aware.
Sustainable Comparison…
Do what is sustainable.
The only sustainable thing is to compare yourself against your previous self, nothing else.
Do this by being intentional, focusing your attention, appreciating compounding effects, and building sustainable skill capital.
Comparison to others is the greatest thief of joy.
Only compete against yourself and you’ll be content.
Yours truly,
Nifemi
